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(3 took | a Breath)

So much for my birthday. [05 May 2009|02:14pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

I got my Tattoo colored a few weeks ago, but there is nobody home to take a picture of it, so i'll have to post about that later. It came out really awesome.

I applied for a promotion at my work. We're supposed to hear by the end of this week. I feel like I have a good shot. There were only 12 or 13 qualified applicants for 4 positions. So I've got my fingers crossed. Everyone send good vibes my way.

So I have had some plans for this weekend for about 2 or 3 months. I was supposed to go to Springfield with some friends and spend some time in Amherst, and my friend John's hometown of Pittsfield. Its my Birthday and Mother's Day on Sunday so I figured I'd celebrate. But none of the people I was supposed to go with can make it anymore. So there is no point in going to Pittsfield. I've never been there before and we were going so that John could show us around. And Amherst isn't as much fun unless there is someone I can share all my old hangouts with. Jim's been there plenty of times, so its not that interesting to him. So I think I'll probably just stay home instead. No point in spending the money on gas and a hotel room to see something I've seen a million times before. Jim, Steven, and I can spend time together here instead.

Maybe I'll just have Jim take me out to dinner. It'll be less money, and a heck of a lot less boring than a road trip with only two people and a baby.

(2 took | a Breath)

This is how I spent my evening [31 Mar 2009|10:55pm]

My mother and father were annoying over the past several days. I decided to get a new tattoo. Which is very much my business. They think I'm stupid for spending the money. They seem to have forgotten that I'm an adult. And I really don't care because it came out amazing and it isn't even colored yet.

Check it out...Collapse )

(4 took | a Breath)

Insomnia [20 Mar 2009|12:44am]
I get home from work just past midnight. If anyone is wondering, that pretty much sucks. I can't go right to sleep when I get home. I work in a giant room that's as bright as daylight all night long. So I come home and it generally takes me about two hours, sometimes more, to really be sleepy. And most of the time I'm pretty much forcing myself to go to sleep. Luckilly I have a son who likes a solid 10 to 12 hours of sleep every night. We usually wake up around 11. So I guess I should stop bitching about it.

I'm actually in a pretty good mood today. Not sure why, I'm just content. Even though I had to deal with an utter moron at HUD today. Here's the story, Because I feel like telling it. My house is being sold to us by The Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD). Basically someone got foreclosed on and the government took their house. Now we are buying it from the government at a halfway decent price. Another bonus to buying from HUD is that they are the government entity generally in charge of removing lead from homes. So they are going to remove the lead from the house gratis, before we close. Down side- this pushed back the date of the closing. Well, I have a lot of things to coordinate for this closing. The usual like inspections, appraisals, fire safety checks, utilities, mortgage broker, lawyers office. So I sort of need a time line. Rather than once again making my Auntie Sue (who happens to be my real estate agent) badger HUD for answers I decided to get the woman's e-mail handling the sale and discuss my questions with her myself. I ask her if she knows when the deleading will start, approximate date for closing, and if they will be complying to federal or Massachusetts lead standards. I identified myself as the purchaser of the house. Seems like simple stuff to me. This is the response I get back:

"Unfortunately, you need to speak with your broker regarding all of your questions. We are here to deal with the brokers not the buyer. If the broker cannot answer your questions she is more than welcome to contact me at the number below. If we were to help buyers and brokers it would be an overwhelming amount of work, and things could be misunderstood. Thank you for understanding"

Now, correct me if I'm wrong here, but it seems having to send out two different e-mails and getting an answer to me, the homebuyer, by way of a third party would be more work and lead to more misunderstandings. I suppose thats government logic. The thank you for understanding makes me giggle. Because I really don't get it. Not one bit. I think I had more stuff I wanted to ramble about but I really don't remember what it was. So let me leave you with a few new picture of Steven and be on my way.

Steven!Collapse )

(3 took | a Breath)

...strolls in quietly hoping no one noticed me slip out... [07 Mar 2009|09:33pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

Lets all pretend that I haven't disappeared for almost 6 months.

I'm still working at Starwood. I don't really like it but its money in the bank.

Steven doesn't weigh enough. His doctor said dairy is the key to weight gain. Dairy makes him smell awful. But at least maybe he'll gain some weight. More than the 3 measly ounces he put on in the last 3 months. 

My sister is pregnant. So is my sister-in-law. They are both due three days apart at the end of August. I found this out one week after I booked a non-refundable cruise for the beginning of September. Brats. But I'm still super excited.

Jim and I are buying a house. We put in the winning bid this week. This is the house. We'll be living on the first floor and renting the other two, thus covering our mortgage payment. Yay for being financially sound!

Steven is currently sleeping, sitting up, on my arm. Which makes it hard to type. So that is all for now.

(1 took | a Breath)

Finally standing up for myself. [20 Aug 2008|01:00pm]
I have to leave for work in a minute so just a quick note that I will elaborate on later.

Meme. I know we haven't talked in awhile but I did something today that would make you proud.

I screamed at my mother and told her everything I have needed to say for years. I didn't allow her to speak and I left the room after having the final word. I am the first one in my family to finally do it. All hell is breaking loose. But I'll get into that later.

(2 took | a Breath)

Less than three weeks [17 Aug 2008|12:12am]
[ mood | content ]

Check me out. Two entries less than three weeks apart. That hasn't happened in awhile.

I had orientation Friday for the Starwood Call Center. Now it will be training for three weeks. I love the training period. I get paid for three weeks of no work. It's like being back at school. And I was always good at school. But this is school with pay. And that is awesome. I've always said that if I could get paid to go to school I'd go forever. I consider it pretty much my only strong suit.

But, back to the job. Because reality is you have to work to get money. I think this job will be ok. Its essentially customer service, which I like. But what I'm really hoping is to get promoted into operations as quickly as possible. I had a taste of operations work at Verizon and I really liked it. Plus then I won't have to answer phones.

You want to hear something funny? The thing that I am dreading most about this job is having to talk on the phone with people who have thick accents. I apologize if that sounds ignorant, I don't mean to be. Its just that my hearing is not perfect and I always seem to have to make them repeat themselves like six times. And I know that makes them frustrated and makes me look a little dense. And I also always feel that when the language is difficult for someone that it is too easy for there to be a misunderstanding. And I don't want to mess up with someone's vacation or credit card information. And I don't want them to think I meant one thing when I really meant something else. Experience tells me that is a recipe for unhappy people.

Irate customers I can handle. Flighty ones? No problem. Huge system malfunctions? Keep them coming, I'll find a work-around. But toss in someone who has a name I can't pronounce, never mind type, who sounds like its their first day with a new tongue, and I get all kinds of flustered. We'll see how I do when the time comes.

Steven is still growing up so fast. Well, not so much growing as advancing. He's in about the 3rd percentile as far as weight goes. He's still just a peanut. But he's playing with all kinds of toys. And he can pick up food and feed it to himself. He likes green beans and peas. Of course he's also learning textures and what not so we end up with a lot of squished green beans and peas. And a baby that needs a bath. But its worth it to watch him learn to feed himself. It is ridiculously cute.

Something else that is too cute is the picture my mom took today.

I am aware that most of my posts have pictures of Steven. I apologize. it just seems to always be a picture that prompts me to post. I want to show it off and use blabbing about my life as an excuse. So if you want you could always ignore all the rambling and just look at the pictures, because most of the time thats the real reason I'm posting. ;)

(1 took | a Breath)

Getting Better [28 Jul 2008|10:24am]
[ mood | content ]

Hey, just over a month this time. Thats not as big of a gap as usual. So some more changes. Pending a drug screen and background check I have been hired for the Starwood Call Center. I should start when the next training session begins on August 15th. Its second shift. So if we take into account Jim's 7-3:30 schedule then that roughly means I will never see my husband again. He'll be leaving for work before I get up. I'll be leaving for work before he gets home and then getting back after he is asleep. But that was really our only choice without me putting Steven in daycare, which I can't afford. Mom used to watch him but she works now too, and she may be going back to school.

Speaking of Steven - He's crawling like a madman. He can pull himself up and has two teeth. Which, let me tell you, are very sharp. He makes lots of noise and sort of almost kind of says mom and dada. Mom is usually said while yelling and crabby. Dada is usually in a more happy tone and tends to actually be dadadadadadadadada. We're getting there though. He's growing too fast as it is, so I really don't mind the baby babble.

We also have good news for Jim. He took the ASE certification tests and passed four of them. So he is now officially ASE certified with a patch and certificate and everything. All he has to do is pass the last four when he takes them again in November and he will be an ASE Master Mechanic. As of now he is the only one in his shop, besides the supervisor, who is certified at all. And after he graduated that class his work put him through this spring he has 11 credits towards a degree and as long as he starts classes before next June he has a $1,000 scholarship which should get him a few more.

I'll leave you with one last thing - My little baby ninja. This was taken at Steph's wedding.

(3 took | a Breath)

Changes [21 Jun 2008|05:21pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Ok. So I've been away for awhile. I haven't checked my friends page in forever. And I still haven't I'm just on for a quick update. 2 months ago I quit my job and am still unemployed. My sister is married and in Mexico for her honeymoon. And I just chopped off all my hair. Meme, I don't know how much you remember my auntie Debbie. But if this reminds you of her you are not alone.

(4 took | a Breath)

Sleep Deprivation [11 Dec 2007|04:51pm]
I think that a lot of cases of post partum depression are really just sleep deprivation in disguise. I love my son. I'm mostly just exactly the same mentally as I was before he was born. I am pretty sure I can safely say that I have no depression of any kind. But this morning I very nearly had a mental breakdown. I had all of two hours of sleep between midnight and 2 am. at around 8 am he had woken up for like the 50th time and I was starting to lose my mind. I cried for about an hour. Straight up full on tears and runny nose. And it was simply lack of sleep. I'm so worn out my brain is fried. But I got another 2 hours sleep between then and now and I feel much better. But my son is crying and trying to bite my father's arm. So I'm going to assume he's hungry. Later all.

(6 took | a Breath)

Rugrat Update [26 Nov 2007|09:54am]
We took the little munchkin to the doctor's on Saturday. He grew two inches in two weeks and he not only got back to his birth weight but gained an extra four ounces. He's growing like a weed. The doctor was suitably impressed.

He's having some trouble sleeping at night, but we're working through it. It just gets a bit frustrating when he cries and there seems to be no reason. We had about a 2 hour fit last night where nothing would calm him down. And poor Jim had to go back to work today after being home for 2 weeks. He's going to be exhausted.

I guess that's all. Just wanted to post a quick update. And really I needed an excuse to post this...

Shhh. Don"t wake the sleeping...Collapse )

(2 took | a Breath)

Tough Choice [21 Nov 2007|03:44pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I just got a text from my former Verizon manager asking me to call him because he had a question. Turns out his Ops position is open in the store he's at now and he wants me to apply. He knows I'm out of commission until January and that he'd have to wait. But apparently the last 6 people he's interviewed just haven't been good enough. He figures I'd do a much better job. And this is the position I knew I wanted to get into for awhile now. I'd much prefer to run the ops route over the sales or Managers routes. But it would mean I would have to leave my store in Dartmouth. I was figuring I would just take over for Tim in the Ops position in my store once he moved on. So here are the Pros and Cons of it, not to mention a neutral or two.

- In David's words "A fairly significant pay increase."
- Getting the position I wanted earlier than I had planned.
- Working for a familiar manager.
- I've already got significant experience in the job since I cover for Tim whenever he's out.

- I would have to leave the store I've been in since I started and that I've grown attached to.
- Getting familiar and comfortable with all new people.
- Having to leave the people that I've really grown to love and respect.
- A much busier store with way more responsibilities and demands on my time.
- Leaving Brande in the lurch. She's my manager now and I know that she depends on me for a lot.

- About the same distance from my house as Dartmouth.
- Still working for Verizon with the same benefits and and systems that I'm already used to.

Ok. So the Cons are mostly emotional and comfort issues. And really, with the new baby, can I afford to turn down a pay increase just because I'm comfortable with where I am? Now David did say he can't promise me the job. Though he said the same thing about the job I have now. And I do have lots of time to think about it. But it is a really big deal. So I guess I have some thinking to do.

On a similairly adult note, Jim's work is sending him to school. Twice a week for fifteen weeks at New England Tech. My husband is a college man now. Odd to say since he barely passed high school. So it looks like we're both growing up. And with him in school he may be looking at a raise when he finishes the course. And I could be looking at a raise if I switch stores. So we'll have the potential for some real earning power and be that much closer to owning a home of our own. But for now my son has just made a seriously crude noise out of his back end and it is time for a change. So I'm going to go take care of that adult responsibility right now, before I worry too much about the rest of it. ;)

(8 took | a Breath)

What Timing [14 Nov 2007|02:42pm]
So the day after I posted that it was my last day at work my little peanut decided he was done.

He was born by Cesarian Section at 3:29 PM on Saturday Nov. 10th, 2007. It was an interesting ordeal, but I won't go into details. Lets just say I'm glad thats over and done with and that we're finally home. I think I'm going to nap now as I'm exhausted. But I'll leave you with a picture.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

(3 took | a Breath)

Last Day [08 Nov 2007|06:48pm]
So its my last day of work today. I'll be out for about 2 months. This whole timing worked out great. I'm of for Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Christmas, and New Year's. It'll be a great holiday season. I am however a little worried about my store. Not to sound egotistical, but I think they may fall apart while I'm gone. Over the course of the last month I've had four different people scrambling to learn the tasks I do every week to keep the store going properly. And so far it doesn't look so good. Not to mention, whenever there's a question about the POS system we run, I'm generally the first person everyone goes to for an answer. Including the manager. So needless to say, I'll be keeping my cell phone on at all times. It wouldn't be the first time I had to answer a question from home. But it will still be nice to be able to sleep in without having to worry about getting dressed for work or how many e-mails I'm going to have to read.

And for news of my son, apparently he is in the 74th percentile for size. Big little bugger. He may very well kill me on his way out. lol. butit will be a relief let me tell. I'm exhausted and he's getting heavy. Not to mention its difficult to alternate between laying, sitting, and standing when you have a large, solid mass in your abdomen. It becomes very difficult to bend at the middle.

Anyway, I'm off. I'm at work and its my last night here so I suppose I should pay attention.

(a Breath)

Just a quick note [20 Oct 2007|10:36pm]
So I said I'd be around more often and I'm making an effort at the very least. I just wanted to pop in quickly and point out this article. Apparently Prof. Dumbledore was Gay. As confirmed by JK herself and reported on CNN.

This makes me happy. Especially if you look at the last paragraph or two of the article. Go JK Rowling. You are now even more of a hero to me.

(5 took | a Breath)

Been Away [06 Oct 2007|01:14pm]
According to my very useful livejournal userinfo I have not updated in 21 weeks. I also haven't checked my friends page in that amount of time. So basically, I suck. Sorry all.

If there is anything vital I've missed feel free to update me now because i have no idea what anyone has had to say in the time I've been gone. I'm not entirely sure why I've been away so long. I think it mainly comes down to the fact that I'm too tired most of the time and my attention span is bad. But I've found away around out internet censors at work, and since I have to be alert and awake here, I may be around the site more often. It gives me something to do when there are no customers so that I don't fall asleep at my desk.

Lets now get to my old standy by way of updating when I've been away awhile. A bulletted list!:

- I only have six weeks left of this whole being pregnant thing.
- My last day at work should be Nov. 10th. (but very possibly the 11th since we have an inventory audit that day and Tim's on vacation.
-The baby's room is not done but getting there. Jim's a bit slow on the construction front.
- My mom is insane and has bought millions of things for Steven. Not to mention all the hand me downs I've already gotten from a friend of the family who had a little boy last year.
- I have to get another sonogram at my next doctor's appointment so that we can get a weight on Steven, because as my doctor said "he seems to be just a bit larger than average." The little pecckerhead isn't going to make this easy. lol. He apparently doesn't seem to care that I still don't eat much, he's growing like a weed anyway.
- I'm sick of buying new clothes to only wear them for a few weeks. Its getting expensive.
- My house is becoming blissfully clutter free. Jim and I have spent our last few days off together just throwing old shit away and organizing the house. The last room we have to go through is our bedroom which is full of wedding junk still. Not to mention tons of clothes that we don't wear and all kinds of baby stuff that needs the be put away in Steven's room as soon as its finished.
- Our one year anniversary was a few weeks ago. We spent the day cleaning, buying supplies to finish the baby's room, and hanging out with John and Stacy. It was very romantic. lol. We had pizza for dinner and played Risk 2210 AD. Good times.
- I don't sleep well. I can't lay on my back because then Steven rests on my spine and I can't move. Laying on my sides makes my hips hurt. I used to sleep on my stomach but I don't as I would prefer my son not be born looking likes he's just run into a brick wall face first. So sleep is generally difficult.
- I think thats enough as that was more of a bunch of random paragraphs as opposed to a bulleted list. Sorry I was away so long. I should be around more often now. I suppose I should get back to work. (or stare at the screen pretending to be productive)

EDIT: Just remembered. I finally told my mom I was an Atheist and that Steven wasn't going to be baptised. She wasn't happy, but she didn't kill me with ssticks. So I'll call that a win!

(10 took | a Breath)

An End [06 May 2007|09:21pm]
So I was thinking for a little while, trying to decide how I would write this post. And to be honest I'm still not sure. I guess I'll just figure it out as it happens. I could give a play by play. I could get sentimental. I could be maudlin. I could even try to be upbeat and look on the bright side of things. But to get to the point - My aunt is dead.

That's a wierd sentence to look at. And I'm really not sure how I feel about it yet. Its been nearly a decade of struggle. And I suppose after that long your mind fights over feeling two completely different ways. The first thing is acceptance. She's been dying for so long that we all kind of came to terms with it awhile ago. But then there's the simple fact that she's been dying for so long. And I guess a part of your brain just starts to figure that she'll keep right on dying without actually getting around to it. Well I know for a fact that she is. When I got to her house my family was all already there. I had been at work. But I wasn't too late, because there she was. Still sitting in her chair. And that all just seemed a little wrong. We all sat there in the room with a dead person until the coroner finally showed up. When they did finally come I stayed in the kitchen with my grandmother. She didn't want to be in the room while they loaded her up and carted her away. And neither did I. Gram really lost it when she happened to see the stretcher head for the front door.

I worry about her. She lost her oldest daughter 15 years ago. She lost her middle daughter today. My mom is the baby, and the only child she has left. My grandmother actually told my mother awhile ago that she was next. Gram said that God was angry with her for something and was picking her children off one by one. Mom didn't like being told that she was going to die, not to mention she worries about my Gram as much as I do.

A few days ago mom told me Auntie Debbie was in the hospital again. And that it wasn't good. I reacted like I always did. Business as usual. It's been "not good" the last 15 or so times she went into the hospital. So it wasn't a big suprise. This however, is a new development. At least she went home first though. She spent some time in her garden yesterday. Watched the hummingbirds at their feeder. She wasn't in too much pain this morning. And I was told she went fairly peacefully. Which is all very nice I suppose. But in the end its still death. And it really isn't pretty.

It began with colon cancer, on to lung cancer, followed by liver cancer, we thought it might end with the brain cancer, but they found spinal cancer this past week. And in the end I guess that was the one she just couldn't fight through.

(8 took | a Breath)

INTRODUCING.... [24 Apr 2007|12:13pm]
[ mood | content ]


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

So that's my rugrat. Who my husband has affectionately dubbed as Peanut until we find out the gender. The little bugger is 9 and a half weeks. And has been causing me much discomfort, especially considering that the child's current size is a whole 2 and a half inches. The ulstrasound was interesting. Peanut wiggles about and has a very healthy heartbeat of a perfect 170. We should be able to tell the gender on July 5th at my 20 week ultrasound. Wish us luck. With parents like me and Jim, the little bugger is going to need it. ;)

(9 took | a Breath)

Ugh... [04 Apr 2007|11:25am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

I'm nauseous. And I'm not at all happy about it. 

That is all.

(14 took | a Breath)

We interupt your regularly scheduled program... [11 Mar 2007|09:53pm]

Just a quick little piece of news

I'm Pregnant.


(5 took | a Breath)

For the record... [27 Feb 2007|07:23am]
[ mood | peaceful ]

I've been up since 4:30am because thats what time my husband's alarm went off. Unfortunately I don't have work until 1:30pm. I am now sitting on the couch at 7:23am with nothing to do for the next several hours. So of course I found myself surfing the web. Headed over to and ended up ordering a rather lovely necklace with the American Atheists symbol on it. I know I shouldn't have spent the money but I'm really excited about it. It will be the first thing I've bought to really show that I'm an Atheist and proud of it. I probably won't wear it around the house. The only two people in my family that know (other than my husband, obviously) are my sister, Siedah, and my father. It wasn't easy telling my father, but I managed it. And he was very supportive. I love my daddy. But my mother, grandmother, and older sister... They're going to have to wait. I'm not ready for that yet. I need to be sure I have somewhere else to live as I think my mother may kick me out. We actually had an argument yesterday because I started talking about where I was going to send my kids to school. She insists on trying to convince me to send them to Seton Academy, where two of my sisters go. Its a Catholic School. I told her I wouldn't send them because I didn't like my experience at Catholic School. One of these days I'm going to have to come right out and tell her that its really because I'm an Atheist, but she scares me.

Back to the reason why I decided to write this post. After ordering my necklace I headed over to to browse around for awhile. I found a very good article about Death and Atheism in this country. After reading it I would like to put a few things on record. I know I'll have to write it down officially at some point, but in the unlikely event that I die soon and suddenly I want you guys to fight for me, so that things go how I really want. So for the record...

-No Funeral. Period. The end. I do not want to be stuck in a box in the ground. It wastes space and pollutes. Just don't do it.

-No Embalming. Its unnecesary and pointless. And its harmful chemicals that could do serious damage.

-No Wake. I don't want my friends and family staring at me while I'm dead. Thats creepy and wierd and causes unnecesary grief. Besides since I won't be embalmed it would be pretty icky I imagine.

-Donate me to science if possible. If they find no use for my corpse, burn me. And not at some stupid overpriced crematorium. A box in an open area will be fine by me. But please don't use gasoline, thats bad for the environment. Afterwards, use me as fertilizer for a garden, or better yet, plant a new tree. I would much rather be life-giving once I'm gone than completely useless. Its all about a cycle in nature. I don't want to be removed from that cycle for the sole fact that I happen to be Homo Sapien.

-No God. This should go without saying as I'm an Atheist and that is the whole point of this entry. But I feel it bears mentioning. Please do not say that I've gone to a better place unless the better place you're refering to is a medical school for practical use, or the roots of a plant for nourishment. Don't pray for me. Don't look towards the sky, I won't be there. Unless the medical school is studying the effect on a body that is tossed out of a plane. In which case, head for cover instead of looking up. I'm pretty heavy and could do some serious damage if I fell on you.

-If it is felt that a gathering of some kind is absolutely necesary, please keep it informal. Jeans, t-shirts, sneakers. No ties allowed and absolutely no all black ensembles. Unless its because you just really like black. In which case thats all right. Serve junk food. Play some good tunes. Enjoy each other's company. Use it as an excuse for a party and only tell happy stories.

I really do hope that when I go my friends and family take my Atheism into consideration. Its not as though I'll know about it, but it is my body. I would like to have control over it in death as I do in life. And I certainly don't want my memory tainted with sorrow and religious sentiment. Its just not who I am or how I want to be remembered.

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